Alice's entry on their macerator incident brought to mind the difference in conversations between women and men on the road. We always joked about how nearly all conversations between men seemed revolve around black water and batteries and other RV topics. Since those are things that RVers have in common, it's actually a good place to start a conversation. And it's superficial if the conversation doesn't move past that. Women, on the other hand, seem to more easily dive into a more personal conversation - and need it.
DeAnna White wrote in our anthology, RV Traveling Tales: Women's Journeys on the Open Road, that she missed her women friends. She wrties about how she acquired new women friends at an RV gathering:
"Of course if happened in a kitchen. EVen on the road in our little travel boxes, we followed the ritual of getting acquainted by cooking. ... As we peeled potatoes and drank tea, we talked about our lives beyond the superficial conversation of strangers. We talked of children, our loss of friendships with other women, and how we felt about traveling. The diversity of life experiences of this group of women astonished me, all with such rich stories to tell. They were ready to test their limits, try new physical challenges, explore their spirituality, and expand their creativity through writing, photography, and music. I heard stories of dealing with abandoned careers and loss of that life. Some shared fears of illness ending the travel lifestyle. All of us were struggling to find meaning in our nomad lives. We shared the need of someone to hear our stories and understand."
As it turned out, many of the women who got acquainted at that gathering became good friends and our community on the road. Fifteen years later I still feel a kinship and deep connection to several of these women.
We have the technology to stay in touch with family and friends from our former lifestyle, but having friends who understand what we are going through is important. Non-RV friends can be envious but never truly understand the lifestyle. I'm sure it is similar to being in a war- only those who experienced it know what it was like. You can still be friends, but there is a big part of you that you can't share with non-RVing friends. Not being able to make RV friends causes some RVers get off the road.
How do you establish community?
- Join a club and interest group or chapter even before going on the road. Ask questions and get acquainted with folks before you leave and then try to meet up. We belong to the Boomer BOF group of the Escapees RV Club. Good Sam, FMCA and RVing Women have chapters and interest groups also.
- Participate in forums. An RV-related interest forum or a forum for owners of your brand of RV brings you together with people with something in common. Someone (including yourself) could arrange a meetup or gathering. In the Workamper forums, Workampers in a certain area will often arrange to get together during the season.
- When staying in an RV park or resort for a while, keep an eye on the bulletin board or newsletter for activities. You could post a notice inviting other women- perhaps Red Hatters, writers, beaders, etc. - to meet in the clubhouse or at your RV for refreshments or to have a writing or beading session.
- Invite your neighbors or someone you meet in the laundry room at an RV park over for "happy hour." Alcohol isn't necessary; bring your chairs, your drinks and possibly a snack to share.
- Attend an RV gathering. At smaller ones it is easier to meet people, but in any case, you can arrange for a small meeting of women (or couples) interested in the same activity. Four-wheel driving, geocaching, working for Habitat for Humanity are examples. At Boomer gatherings, we have a women's group where women can share information and concerns about all sorts of topics. (And no, they did not talk about the men!)
- When you meet someone with whom you might be friends, get their contact information. Keep in e-mail contact. If you have free weekend minutes, take some time to call and reconnect.
- Stop and visit RVers you have met. Time spent with one couple or even a few allows you to get to know them better and find out what you have in common. Several of our now-good-friends stopped for a few days at places we worked so we could get to know each other.
Nan Amann, also writing in RV Traveling Tales, says: "The nomadic lifestyle changes how you make friends. As my very new first friend on the road said, 'If you are going to reach out to someone new for friendship, you must cut to the chase.' We don't have time to pussyfoot around deciding whether or not we will be friends. To reach a deeper level of friendship, we have to scratch at the wounds that have healed over time. We must share our stories, reaching back in memory to talk about the dysfunctional families, the losses suffered, the bad decisions we've made, the limbs we've climbed out on. That is what begins the deep abiding sweetness that women create for each other."
Whether you are looking for other RVers to share RV information or a deeper connection, remember that to make a friend, be a friend. Reach out to others. If you're shy, the Internet and e-mail are good ways to strike up acquaintances. You can have rich and rewarding friendships on the road. Jaimie Hall Bruzenak
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